Despite of the fact that this bonsai is pictured without pot, but it is just too good for a critique; however, I try to figure out some aspects which can be improved.
As I mark on the below picture (I also put it in a pot, round or oval may fit to it), there are too many foliage pads are placed to form a straight line; consequently, the mimic of the tree is rather formal instead of being casual as suggested by the basic character of the tree.
Secondly, from the picture, it seems to me that the small tree is placed at the same plane position with the main tree, this gives less perspective illusion to the composition. Lastly, the position of branch-C which bends to the back is rather disturbing. Maybe the artist dare not cut it off because it will create a too much void space, and bending to the front will be too dense and disturb the small tree.
My suggestion for improvement
My main improvement is on the composition to form a more natural and casual tree as suggested by the basic character. The “Golden-key” to form a natural look bonsai is by forming an irregular shape of the foliage, either on the single pad or the overall configuration.
As shown on the below simulated picture, I re-shape the overall foliage formation to avoid the straight line image. The branch-A is cut and turn into jin to create more space and form the irregular shape of the outline. Some branches are shortened, branch-D is up lifted to decrease the weight on the left; and the branch-B is lengthened to give more movement and eliminate the straight-line image.
In order to improve the perspective, the viewing angle (or as we always call the “front”) is turned slightly so the small tree is placed slightly to the rear side; or this can also be done by bending the small tree slightly to the back. To enhance the effect, the branch-C is bent to the front or at least in front of the small tree’s crown, cut and turn it into jin.
There is always more than one way to design any bonsai. My critiques and recommended solutions might not always fit your taste and personal preferences, but I always try to give my opinion based on artistic and horticultural principles.